Aunt Petunia's Masterpiece

I'm not ashamed to admit it - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is my favourite book of all time. I love the detective work, I love the mystery, but, most of all, I love Dobby. Dobby the house-elf is the most loyal and selfless creature ever to enter the Pottersphere, always striving to do his best for Harry and the wizarding world.

Unfortunately, Dobby's good intentions are sometimes overlooked due to his clumsy execution, and his first appearance in the series is no exception. For reasons as yet unknown, Dobby is trying to make Harry promise not to return to Hogwarts for his second year, which Harry flatly refuses....

"'Then Harry leaves Dobby no choice,' said the elf sadly.
Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open - and sprinted down the stairs.
Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six stairs, landing cat-like on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying '...tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason, she's been dying to hear...'
Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.
Aunt Petunia's masterpiece, the mountain of whipped cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.
'No,' croaked Harry. 'Please... they'll kill me...'
'Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school -'
'Dobby... please...'
'Say it, Sir...'
'I can't!'
Dobby gave him a tragic look.
'Then Dobby must do it. sir, for Harry Potter's own good.'
The pudding fell to the floor with a a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.
There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding." 

(Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 2 - Dobby's Warning.)

I thought I'd have a go at making Aunt Petunia's 'masterpiece'. Petunia, a caricature of the superficial suburban housewife eager to impress her husband's business partners with exemplary cookery skills and hospitality, can only have one possible trusted source for her recipes: Delia Smith. Any doubts I had were quashed when I dug out my mother's not-so-well-thumbed copy of Delia's Complete Cookery Course and flicked through the introduction and winced at the particularly twee references to 'the wafer-like frazzle on perfect pork crackling' and 'the consummate crunchiness of a roast potato'. So, I picked a suitable recipe entitled 'All-In-One Sponge', which Delia assures me 'should work even if you've never made a cake before in your life'. Perfect.

All went according to plan as I sifted, stirred and whisked, although the finished sponges left the oven a little flatter than I had hoped.

After leaving to cool I was left with the task of creating something resembling the 'mountain of whipped cream and sugared violets'. I started by whipping as much cream as I could fit into the largest bowl I could find.

After creating the filling for the two sponge sandwiches out of strawberry jam a generous helping of whipped cream, I smothered the cake with as much cream as possible. And then added some more. After adding at least three inches to the sponge in cream, I tackled the sugared violets. As my local Sainsbury's was lacking in the candied flowers department, I had to settle for white chocolate daisies instead.

Not bad for a novice cook, now to find a willing victim to reenact the head-to-toe covering in pudding scene....

Perhaps not.